Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
