i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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