it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think my moral compass just broke
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