Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
