My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize