I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
