is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
