some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Four minutes until I can fart!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
