we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
