I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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