I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
