I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
