So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love accidental penises.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
