I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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