...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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