If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So much rum. So many feels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
