drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
