She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
