well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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