I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
