UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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