We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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