I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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