I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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