I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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