Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
