What did we do last night that was yellow?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
