My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
