what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
