If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
