How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
