You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize