I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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