Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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