so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
