Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize