Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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