I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
