I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
