I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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