If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
