So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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