So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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