Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
