what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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