just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
