I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
