I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
