ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
