when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
