I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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