So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
