"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
