The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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