R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize