I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
