I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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