If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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