think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
