She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
