You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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