I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
