Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
