You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize