and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
