Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
