there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
