Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
