I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
