i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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