yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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