She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
