Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
50% drunk capacity currently
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
