That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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