so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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