Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
