u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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