you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
