so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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