Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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