i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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