You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
