He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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