I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
