I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
