im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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