No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
