you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
