Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
