Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
