He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
