Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
