You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
