The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
